Of women and female jealousy.

It is a fact! And that makes me feel bad and sick, and wondering "why? and how is that possible?" but alas, I have to admit it: we, women, can be jealous about the popularity other women may have.

This phenomenon, I call "BANG", is spreading amongst our "female friends". Let me tell you that it is a very annoying virus which sucks and fucks and pisses off. The first minutes of incubation are painless and our reactions are not immediate but  a much better improvement is observed after a few days.

So, don't you worry about your health girls, it is not mortal, but a little experience is required to get rid of it.

As a matter of fact, the infected females will try to bite you, like snakes, in order to piss you off, and most of the time they are successful and pretty good at that.

There is no need to be close to them, as one can be infected even through a phone call... so beware girls and don't stop being vigilant. Don't let them fool you that easily.

Who are they and how can we recognise them?
Well, first thing is: no matter how long you know them, your enemies may be everywhere, as the illness is asleep most of the time, but anything can wake it up. A simple sentence, a few words and it will be too late. The terrific "BANG" virus will be poisoning your body and soul.

What causes the awakening of the virus?
Well, statistics prove that anything, absolutely anything can startle it. A wedding you may have to assist to, a clever or a smart remark coming out from your lips or fingers - in case of computers, smart phones, Ipad...users -, a nice reputation, the concept other people may have of you... can be more than enough to get them ready to bite you like a midnight snack.

What kind of tools do they use?
Sentences! The most innocent ones are most of the times the most effective ones. Let me give you an example, it happened to me yesterday during a phone call:

"So, have you made up your mind? Do you know what kind of outfit you are going to wear at the wedding?

- Yes, I'm thinking about wearing a vintage Etro tunic...

- You mean that kind of dull robe ??? 

- Nope, it is not dull at all; it's over the knee length and...

- Did you buy it at H&M ? " 

And that's it! BANG!!!! You have been wildly bitten!!!

What means do we have to protect ourselves?
Just one: Sense of Humour!!!

Do you want to know what I answered her? I simply laughed and said:

"How the hell did you guess that? And yes, it is exactly the kind of robe I am wearing with a rope around my waist and a huge wooden cross round my neck and probably bold too with a hood on my head".

Don't add anything else! Don't say what they expect from you! Zip your mouth and drop the subject, don't show any interest in "what" THEY are going to wear (in that precise case obviously). Believe me, they are going to bite their own tongue and will taste their own "BANG" poison.  ^_***