ALCATRAZ.

Have you ever been to Alcatraz, or at least have you ever visited Alcatraz? Me neither though sometimes I feel trapped and jailed like on the Rock.
Why do I make such a statement and why Alcatraz? Simply because the island is a nightmare; close enough to see the bay and yet far enough to escape swimming, or on a raft or anything that can float, and nowhere to hide, that is if you succeed escaping from it and reaching the open sea.

 I do sometimes feel like an inmate of this worldwide famous prison, prisoner of my own existence, according to my own whishes and yet gasping for breath inside the walls of my cell.

A rocky island on San Francisco's bay, a huge building with just one pier, the sound of seagulls and the howls of the wind.
Sometimes days are so foggy and the salty smell of the sea so intense that you feel sick and lost. Sometimes, it is so cloudy and rainy but vivifying and invigorating. Sometimes, it is so stormy and frightening, that I just wish to hide under the bed, feeling tiny and useless.

 Always afraid of the same question "what do you want in this life for YOU, just for YOU, only for YOU?" And you know what; there's never anything I want for ME, just for ME. I want things for my dear ones, health, happiness, love... but nothing for me.

This is really personal and private stuff and yet I have to find a way out, so trying to put it black on white may be of some help.

 I am so scared to start anew that I prefer to stay on this island, cause a small raft floating on the ocean to the mercy of the inclemency of weather, in a state of levitation, watching things happen and letting myself go with the stream without any resistance frightens me to death.

Sometimes my anxiety is so strong, that I am unable to reason out, prey of panic, struggling to survive: consciously wasting the most valuable thing this world gives only once to us: Life.

 I can easily guess that Alcatraz’s inmates felt the same as I do. It was probably like trespassing the threshold of Dante’s hell “Abandon hope, all ye who enter here”, or keeping in mind the famous quote: “Break the rules and you go to prison, break the prison rules and you go to Alcatraz”.

I probably broke the most important rule; don’t fool yourself, don’t be a coward.

And it is true, the worst thing one can do is to cheat one’s self, as soon or later one realizes we have to move either forward or backward.

And the beat goes on, and each day is a new ordeal, feeling like Sisyphus pushing his huge stone uphill.