I have to negotiate with myself to reach an agreement. I am a messy multitasker, unable to get satisfied with how I live my chaotic life.
I give me an immense pressure to make the right things, to evolve with everything and in fact I just keep stumbling upon random things: a little bit of this, a little bit of that... When I should make room, opening some windows and letting fresh air come in... I have to learn how to breathe in a clever and proper way to make my life easier, to avoid this choking sensation of mine.
Lately, popping events have caused me fresh pains and fresh tears and I just keep behaving like a pathfinder sniffing the winds, sensing what lays ahead, and that scares me!
This is why I have to focus on a new way of life... cause people from my past seem so close and my memories of forgoten moments are so vivid suddenly!
In fact, I would like to hibernate like bears do, in a warm and cozy place, with opaque light, as there is something soothing in the scale of matt colors.
They give me the needed sensation of "pause mode" and plus autumn is my baulm, the baulm that soothes my underlying sense of anxiety that never quite bubbles out and never quite disappears.
Oh yes, I can see the indelible marks of emotional stress on me... So I keep starting posts and deleting them, cause I keep failing to say what I want to say in an interesting way, and instead, I feel like talking to a brick wall, words echoing right back at me and nothing being absorbed!...
Dear Yol,
ReplyDeleteDelicious as always. Sometimes, we all have to learn how to "let the past be the past". When there is no possible solution, when our past experience hurts, when things no matter what are not going to change it is better to take another road, a different one, a new path. Life is made of moments, moments of happiness and moments of sadness, moments of hope and despair, of laughter and of tears.
THE ROAD NOT TAKEN, by Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
"Pause modes" are good to reflect, to go through our past events, to reflect on how we would like to see our future and to give meaning to
our "experience".
X.X.X.
Meri
PS: By the way, my dear, you never fail on expressing what you want to say in an interesting way. Your lines always make me reflect on what it is important in life.
Dearest Meri,
ReplyDeleteYou really touched the buttom of my heart. Thank you sooo much for taking the time to read my posts, thank you sooo much for the exquisite poem - read for the first time -
Thank you for your sense and sensibility about things <3
Huge kiss and huge hug too
Loves
Yol